Every college movies displays frat parties as the mecca of all things cool and college. I've gone to my fair share of frat parties, and they are anything but cool (literally you'll be sweating balls). Whether its the boys, the dancing or the beer, its all pretty awful. Now, don't get me wrong! Everyone should at least check one out once, its a part of the college experience that has almost become a tradition. I'm not necessarily saying that you should never attend a frat party (because every girl wants to throw on those jeans that give you a Beyoncé booty and dance the night away) this is simply a reality check. Frat parties are not the glamorous havens of well-toned, well-dressed hunks in a beautiful mansion with free drinks galore, its in a basement, and its the cheapest beer you can find. Nonetheless try it, I'm just here to keep it real for ya.
The basement is essentially a set from the SAW movies.
I'm not even joking on this one guys. From the unidentifiable liquid on the floor, the concrete walls, there is no beauty to a frat basement. But let's be honest; there's no reason for them to make it nice. Basements are for dancing and hardcore making out to the point that it looks like one person is trying to kill the other through tongue asphyxiation. It's okay though, you probably won't notice it anyway.
Why can't you see? Because its darker than a mineshaft.
Seriously, there's absolutely no light whatsoever. Combine that with the funk of stale beer and frat boy B.O. and the hot and humid air that can only be the result of more dancing bodies than there should be, and you've got the quintessential frat
cave basement. Plus Side: you'll learn what its like to be in a whale's mouth... If that's your thing.
Its creeper city.
Where do the guys looking for some (sometimes non-consensual) action go? Frat parties. They wait in the darkest corner and when you're telling you friends to "put a rang on it" he grabs you by the hips and dry humps the crap out of you. All you wanted to do was show off that one Beyoncé move you can actually do and you have Handsy McGee harshing your groove. (Yeah that was lame. Judge me.)
Drunk B*tches.
"OOOOOOHHHHHH MYYYYYY GAAWWWWDDDD" These individuals shouldn't be this excited to see each other, but they are... For. No. Reason. And you know that cute top you're wearing? I hope beer is in for that season because you're going to be covered in it. And you think they liked selfies when they were sober? Well drunk b*tches love selfies almost as much as they love their "best fraaaannnnddd" So what they wanna snap a few pics? Oh yeah. THEY TURN THE FLASH ON. And you eyes are just like "nah". Altogether they're a horrible reflection on females in general, and they have some crazy entitlement issues at the keg.
It gets dangerous. (Seriously)
Maybe its the anonymity of being in a dark area that gives people a god-complex, or maybe its the alcohol, but people make horrible decisions at frat parties and sometimes you can be casualty of this. I've seen guys drop roofies into girls' drinks like its nothing, and I've seen people put themselves in physical danger for the sake of fun. The most important thing you can do at a frat party is stay aware. If a guy is talking to you, watch your drink at all times, understand that knowing them doesn't mean you can trust them. If someone gives you a bad feeling, avoid them, if the party is starting to get too wild, leave. Its better to be safe than sorry folks, and the prospect of missing out on a memory doesn't compare to the permanence of becoming a memory.
Goodbye hair and makeup.
So you walk in looking like you just stepped off the runway and you walk out looking like a runaway. Your hair is frizzy from the humid, stale air that can only be associated with the ever-so-wonderful frat basement, your makeup is starting to run because you've virtually sweated it off of your face and you don't want to admit it, but you kinda stink. So when you're getting through the security gate for your dorm and you look like you just came fresh out of a sauna (because lets be real you just did) and that security guard gives you that look, needless to say your night went from a hard 6 to a soft 3.
The next morning.
Whether you've succumbed to the tantalizing frat boy, or the even more tantalizing keg or you not, the next morning is gonna suck. Let's be honest, no one makes it out of frat parties unscathed. Chances are if its not you, it could very easily be one of your girls. So you drag your way to breakfast (which is just a struggle-bus showcase) and you discuss the ups and downs of the night before. 15 minutes into the conversation you realize that there were a lot more downs than ups and those downs generally start at around 1 am and cruise on from there.
Fret not friends. Eventually you will witness a frat party or something similar to it. As a college student I openly endorse a night hosted by the boys of Alpha Sigma Sigma, but be wary my dears, all the flash of frat parties you see on TV are designed to blind you when you enter the real frat world. So like anything, enjoy responsibly and proceed with caution.
Stay Phree. Stay Phierce. (and a little phrat)
Erica
